There is a continuous miracle that you might not know about and it’s you.

Hey.

I’m going to tell you something.

You’re probably not going to believe it.

Maybe not right now, but you will.

If you want to.

Take a moment.

Pause.

Do you feel that?

Just a moment longer.

Listen.

Can you hear that?

That’s your heart beating.

That’s your lungs breathing.

Do you know what that means?

It means that you’re still alive.

You.

It means that you can make it to the next moment.

It means that you still have a chance.

And don’t you know what that means?

It means you can do anything.

Dispatches From Biosphere Station Moore: Friday Night.

6: 45.

Friday night.

I found myself staring out the living room window. The sun was setting on the top left corner of it’s outline.
I blink.

Bright. A glint cometed across the middle third.

A truck passed, an older kept up Chevy truck. Custom. Bowling ball white and gray iridescent paint job. Recently washed.

Another blink.

It occurs to me. I wish that was me. Oh just to go on a drive. To go out and beyond past my small borders.

Another profound realization.

One I felt.

Not as acutely as the other time, thank God.

To quote many of the The Uncanny X-Men characters during Chris Claremont’s epic run:

“It. Hurt.”

Question now is, do I leave my curtains open or closed?

Biosphere Station Moore out.

Greetings from Biosphere Station Moore!

This is my first Dispatch From Biosphere Station Moore.

Tuesday, June 9th, 2020.

Earlier this year, on March 17th, my car died.

Died.

For good.

On March 18th the Covid-19 quarantine was put into effect.

As a result, a good news/bad news situation developed:

The Good News.

Having no working vehicle the day the quarantine began, effectively sealed our house hermetically, denying entry to Covid-19.

With no means of transportation, I could not now accidentally bring the virus inside were I to go out.

Automatically, my mom, who is now eighty, and a prime candidate for contracting the virus, was saved. For that, I am happy and thankful.

Everyday.

The Bad News.

I have not stepped out of our house since.

Even if I could, I’d still risk contracting Covid-19, and then so would my mom.

And I can’t have that happen.

Because of that, my mom and I have been in 100% self-quarantine ever since.

So, with an embarrassment of free time on my hands, I’m going to be blogging regularly – maybe more so than before.

There’s quite a bit to cover:

The joys of distance-learning.

The time-intensive, yet unclear texting relationship with a younger woman I’d never physically met.

My mental breakdown when I realized I was suffering from severe isolation.

My mom finally becoming a mother.

The quick trip in the bed of a friend’s truck to sign my teacher’s contract – my first, and so far, only expedition out into the World.

Then George Floyd gasped out, “I can’t breathe” on video – and things got darker …

I hope you continue reading so we can all continue to learn and grow.

Please take care of yourselves.

Marc.

Currently, in the Pocket.

Note: to drummers, when you’re playing and you feel locked in to the groove, playing not only on beat, but feeling that you are in the beat, and can manipulate it with fills and rolls of all speeds, and still land back on that beat without throwing the song off rhythm.

It’s a curious sensation, knowing that I can talk about myself, my life, with absolute clarity.

I take it for granted now.

Which is also its own kind of weird.

I’m able to talk about my life matter-of-factly.
I don’t talk about it to get pity. I don’t speak about it with frustration or rage. I’m not trying to make myself look like a saint.
I am grounded by the knowledge that I have no desire to please or impress others anymore.

My life is.

My life was.

Facts. Not emotion. Not sentiment. No color commentary.

The suffering I went through was mine. I made my choices. And I faced the consequences of those choices, good or ill.

And I don’t really know if it’s due to the three years of taking my medication for my adult ADHD and Major Depression finally taking effect, or if it’s the strength I gained from taking care of my father – or some combination of both.

But I’m in the moment.

I’m in the now.

I’m present, current. There’s no “what ifs” or “I should’ves.” There’s also no “one day I’ll” or “someday,” either.

And maybe, some of you might consider that a bad thing, and, depending on your circumstance, you may be right.

But I ride the waves.

I feather the wind.

I’m focused.

For the first time in my life, I focus on what’s in front of me, and addressing it, paying attention to it. As a result, it’s incredibly satisfying dealing with things as they come when they come, instead of ignoring it or trying to rewrite the narrative.

What a strange pleasure it is, and a metaphorical irony, playing drums for most of my life, and at forty-three, finally being in the pocket.

Is it weird?

Is it weird that I’m forty-three years old and I feel the most comfortable, the most “myself,” like this?

Is it weird that I feel like I truly do not fit into any category – especially as a straight male – and so I feel like I do not fit into this world?

Is it weird that I feel like I’m too young to be this old, while at the same time I feel like I’m too old to be this young?

Is it weird that my teenage boy heart that used to beat to the pounding truth of Pearl Jam beats to the pinning, yearning punch of Snail Mail now that I’m a forty-three year old man?

Is it weird?

Or is it me, in my isolation?

Do you feel like me?

Do you feel alone because you don’t feel like you “fit” into any acceptable social “category?”

Is it weird?

Or not?

Am I wrong?

Am I not alone?

If so, I would really love to know it.